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Monday, October 4, 2010


I hope everyone had a good weekend. I have a good story, but its developing. I'm sure once I can make a lulz out of it, I'll publish it.

In the mean time, lets discuss Annie.

I work for a civil engineering firm, and one day I was at the main office when I met this delicacy of a girl. Her name was Annie, the receptionist's daughter. She was very trendy, wearing designer clothes and accessories and what not. I was 22 at the time and she just turned 18.

Well halloween was approaching and my boss invited me to go to his house for a party. I told him I would go and I'll take Annie with me. I wore some crazy ghost looking outfit and she was a naughty version of tinkerbell. We showed up and the party started.

Now, Annie told me that even though she's only 18 she loves to party. When I asked her what she meant she told me that she loves to play beer pong, quarters, and can keg stand like a champ. I'm a heavy drinker myself so I figured she could be a lot of fun.

At the party she started with vodka and some orange juice a.k.a the screwdriver. In a matter of 30 minutes or so she switched to rum and coke and followed it up with a few beers.

Now my boss knew who she was, and he was OK with it. If anything, he added to the delinquency when he started going around giving people shots of the 3 wise men, which is a shot composed of Johnnie Walker, Jim Bean, and Jack Daniels. After all that she decided that she wanted to booty dance.

As we were in the living room grinding and getting our friction on, she looked at me and said, that she doesn't feel good. She turns around and BOOM threw up all over the floor. But it didn't stop there, she threw up again on the chairs and once more in the bedroom as she was getting her purse to go home.

The fun didn't stop there though. As I was driving her home she threw up out the window twice, luckily no chunky chunks in the car. As I dropped her home she said thanks and proceeded to try to kiss me. I backed away and told her I had to head home.

I went back to the party and met Heather... who has her own story which will appear later.

I felt bad for Annie and we went out a few more times, but we never clicked.

Pic of Annie: "Will upload in a bit"

Technical difficulties at the moment.

Thursday, September 30, 2010


So my boy Rorschach Visit his blog here wanted a more happier dating story. This one goes out to him.

About 5-6 years ago I was with a girl named Melissa. She was the captain of our high school cheer leading squad. Cute girl, blondish, short, nice curves and pretty fit. Well we decided to go out one night in summer. I just got my new car, a Honda S2000 convertible and we decided to take that for a spin.

I picked her up, got a bite to eat, and then we decided to go back to her house. We dropped the top and headed home. We got to her neighborhood and I was driving down her street when I saw this thing just run across the street. I slammed the breaks and told her I just saw something freaky.

She looked outside asking if it was a dog or cat. I told her I didn't know and proceeded to drive slowly to see if she could get a glimpse of the animal. All of a sudden I heard a loud grumble of a "rib bit" and then Melissa started to scream in horror as if she got stabbed in the neck.

She turns to me and I see the largest frog of life grabbing her face looking like he's trying to rape her mouth. She is screaming and flailing her arms about trying to get the frog off as I sat there cracking up. She finally managed to knock it off but the terror of the frog drove her into this crazy frenzy that she couldn't open the door and just jumped on the seat and hopped out of the car and ran home.

I grabbed the frog and put him in the grass and drove to her house. Her front door was wide open and I walked in to see her pouring soap in her mouth as she is crying telling me the frog's penis was in her mouth.

I never kissed her good night and we stopped dating shortly after.

Stock photo of my car. I still have it and looks the same minus the rims:


I don't have any pics of Melissa, but this looks like her:


Wednesday, September 29, 2010


I know what you're thinking. Who would name their child Wanda. I thought the same thing too when I first met her. Gorgeous of a girl. Colombian, dark black hair, dark eyes, not too curvy but she did get her boobs done a year after we stopped dating. But this is her story.

I was working for a company in building full of professional people. There weren't too many young inexperienced people so my choices for dating a coworker were slim. Luckily I landed a good looking one. I met Wanda in passing through a mutual friend and we started hanging out and going to lunch. At work we had a x-mas party and I made my famous tres leches (3 milk) desert and she instantly fell in love with me as if cupid hit her with a ruphie and ecstasy dipped arrow.

So we started going out and being together on weekends. There was only one problem. She lived an hour and a half away, and she wouldn't drive down to see me. So like a sucker, I did this for like 2 months while wining and dining her only to hear that she would just like to be friends.

What is up with that? I learned my lesson about dating coworkers though, now every time we bump into each other we have to deal with the awkward fake conversation asking "What have you been up to?"

Dating tip: Date girls that live closer to you

Here is a pic of the tres leches desert I can make... invite me to your next party and I'll bring one of these bad boys too.


Here is a pic of what she looks like, I'll upload an actual pic of her later.


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Added pics

Many have asked to include visual representations of the women I'm talking of.

Let me know if this adds to my blog.


Monday, September 27, 2010


A few years back I used to have a giant saltwater fish tank. Filled with rare corals, fish, and other colorful creatures. But you can never have enough in this hobby, so I wanted a bigger tank. I decided to sell everything and just start fresh with a new one. So I decided to let all my friends know of my plans.

My good friend Jenny told her sister, Jessie, about my fish tank and Jessie got all excited about it and called me. I never met Jessie but my friend said she's super cute, looks just like J-Lo. So Jessie came over with her boyfriend and instantly fell in love with the tank and bought it on the spot. I spent the next few weeks delivering the tank and setting it up for her. This was no joke of a tank, I spent thousands and sold it for pennies.

I always had a feeling that Jessie liked me but she had a boyfriend and I wasn't going to get in between them. I finished setting up the tank and let them be.

A year passes by and Jessie calls me and says the fish tank isn't working. I drive over there to see whats up. While I was there I realize that she's acting different and that there's no boyfriend to be seen. So one thing led to another and now I'm dating her.

So lets describe Jessie. She's very short with tons of curves, not fat just thick. She has a big latin booty but with dancer legs. I knew she did some modeling for small magazines and some events, plus she teaches ballet. She has nice reddish/brown hair and she's always well maintained. So, you can see why I liked her.

She was a little unorthodox, she loved going to strip clubs, sports bars, etc. She was also high maintenance. Luckily, I make a very decent salary and that wasn't the issue, but lets get to the day her true colors really came out.

So after a month of dating, I was at her house and we were just chilling when she said she wanted me to take her out to a restaurant. She told me to go home and shower and then pick her up. I said OK and did just that. As I was arriving to pick her up, I call her and let her know I'm almost at her house when she tells me to just drive around the block for 15 minutes or so.

WTF? 15 minutes? I was confused by what she meant. I was actually already at her driveway when I called. I was just sitting in my car thinking what the hell just happened, when her sister showed up. I walk over to Jenny, and she says that she will wait with me.

After 20 minutes of so Jenny goes inside the house to see whats up. All of a sudden I get a call and its Jessie screaming into the phone to just get out and leave her alone.

So now I fell into even a deeper stupor. What the hell is going on?

Jenny comes out of the house and tells me that ever since she broke up with her ex that she's been crazy and temperamental. I just happened to find all this out in 30 minutes time.

She called back to apologize, but I don't care how hot she was.

I don't want crazies in my life.

This girl looks like her except she had lighter hair:



I work for a civil engineering firm as a construction supervisor. Basically, the contractor builds a road or bridge and I make sure they are building to the specifications and verify that what the government is paying is what it is getting in return.My company was overseeing a small job in downtown Miami when this story took place.

Like most Downtowns, they're very bus and hectic with tons of traffic and people. This project required me to close down a few lanes which many people in this area aren't happy about. I was outside just waiting for a concrete truck to arrive when all of a sudden I see a black undercover cop car pull up. The window rolls down and I hear someone say "Excuse me."

I look inside and I see a beautiful young girl and she's looking at me as I'm wearing all the bright construction clothes... yes,  I look like one of the village people. She is asking me where she could park her car as the construction has removed the parking lanes. She is clearly in a hurry and trying to assess the situation I ask her where she is going. She says that she just moved from Maine and that she has a job interview right now.

I stop and think, this is a beautiful dark haired brunette that needs some help and probably knows no one in Miami, so I'm going to try to be her Super Man. I tell her to park on the other side of the street behind some construction equipment. I go to her parked car and open the door for her, she jumps our of the car and I get to see that she is a petite super cute of a knockout. She then turns to me and says she needs to go to this address and if I can help her out.

I walk her over while we talk and she tells me she is of Greek background and that she just moved here and still has all her stuff in the car. I try to calm her down a bit before her interview and told her that she'll do great and when she comes out I'll be here for her.

She goes into the building and 30 minutes later comes out with a huge smile on her face. I figured that this is my shot, I'm going to ask her out and see where this goes. I walk her back to her car and I ask her to go out with me tonight to a friends birthday party as a trendy restaurant in Downtown. She excitedly says she would love to.

I get her number and she gets mine and I tell her that I'll call her later tonight to pick her up. She says all right and goes on her way. Around 8ish I decided to call her, but no answer. I left a message saying whats up? I didn't hear from her till later that night when I was already at the restaurant that she was napping and was tired from all the moving. She said thanks for helping her out and that I saved her life. Finally she asked if we can go out another day.

I never replied to her texts that night, but waited for the next day. I sent her a text saying not to worry about last night but how about just going to get something to eat tonight. She never replied to that text.

I stopped hoping she would reply and moved on.

Sara looks like this:


Saturday, September 25, 2010


At the time, I was working for a bank in downtown Miami. I wasn't anyone important, just a sales associate trying to go to school and make ends meet at the same time. It was a Friday afternoon, and my friends decided to hit a bar after work for their happy hour specials.

Before we started to head out to the bar, I needed to get ready... you know, just in case I happen to meet a lafy friend that night. I think I looked decent enough in my work clothes as I had to be presentable to the bank customers. All I had to do was roll up my sleeves, take off the tie, a small splash of cologne, and boom... set for the night.

I met my friends at outside in the bar's parking lot. Being that it was downtown, parking was $10. I was glad to see that all my friends were in similar attire, as normally I'm a little overdressed for the occasion, but we all just got off of work. We walked in and surveyed the area.

Dimly lit bar had a decent attendance, we have a small thuggish looking group to our right sitting in the high tables, a few people who, like us, just got off of work at the tables, and to our right was a loud group of girls in the booths. We all decided to sit at the bar as the bartender seemed really cute with her long blonde hair and skimpy top.

We sat down on the stools and began our weekend celebration. We began ordering some drinks and the night started with out a hitch. After an hour or so, we ordered our food, but the bar scenery hasn't changed much. Same crowd, and not many single ladies except for that loud group of girls.

While waiting for my food, I felt a strong nudge to my right shoulder, I turn and I see this gorgeous girl leaning onto the bar, wearing a small black skirt and shiny tight top that shows her immaculate body as her slighlty curled blonde hair accents her back. I noticed she's wearing a tiara, and using basic logic I'm assuming she turned 21 and this is her b-day bash at the bar.

She's having a hard time getting the bartenders attention, so I help her and start talking to her after she ordered 3 fuzzy navels and 2 cosmos. While I'm there trying to get the information about her and her friends, she looks at me and I swear we had a moment. Were we connected. Were she could be my future wife. But as fast as that moment came, it was gone, as I started to see this beautiful girl start hurling chunks onto my arm. She threw up all the binge drinking alcohol mixed with potato skins and chicken wings all over my arm. My friends noticed what started happening and almost fell off their seats laughing. I felt the vomit just get soaked onto my shirt, so I got up and ran to the bathroom as she ran to her friends.

I took off the shirt that looks like Satan regurgitated and threw it away. I'm not going to contemplate if I was going to wash the shirt.Luckily, I had a decent undershirt so I washed up and went back outside. The birthday bash girls were just sitting in their booth and my friends moved over to the high tables. As I walked to where my friends were, I glanced to the bar to see the bartender scrubbing the mess giving me an evil eye as if it was my fault that she threw up.

The food was served, and I figured we will continue the night and let this just be a detour. After my second bite, I see one of the girls from the party come over and sits next to me. She tells me that Katherine is sorry. I tell her that its OK and everyone goes through that once in their life. But this girl keeps telling me how sorry Katherine is and wants to make it up to me by buying me a drink. I'm telling her its OK, and I just want to be with my friends. She gets up and grabs my hand and starts pulling on me to go. My friends are all kicking me under the table and telling me to go. So to please everyone, I get up and go over to their booth.

I sit down right next to this tiara wearing light weight how can't hold her liquor Katherine and she is acting all sorry and what not. I entertain her for a little, but then my spidey sense kicks in and I realize something isn't right. I'm looking at Katherine and she's looking at me, and I see her start changing colors in front of my eyes. her soft tan skin turns to a paler color, and then into a radioactive hulk green. I sensed what was about to happen and I got up just as she started blowing chunks again. Right where I was sitting!

I looked at them and just walked to my friends, and told them I'm going home. This is way too much for me.

Katherine looks just like this... minus the headband but add a tiara: